Wednesday, 10 December 2014


thats pretty much all i do nowadays
stamp onto brown paper
then use that paper to wrap christmas presents

its very therapeutic 

i'm obsessed
all the presents I've already wrapped are gonna end up being rewrapped if i carry on
i haven't even finished my christmas shopping and I'm more concern about the wrapping
im mental

been a while!
on saturday we decorated where i work to be all christmassy
but i still had to serve customers at the same time
so it was a farce

and because im super cute
i let a little decorate the tree instead
so her mum could shop in peace

she could only reach the bottom bit but in her defence she was only small

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

if you are reading this
and you have dogs
then i imagine that you can appreciate when i say my dogs do my absolute head in
their constant barking
their love to fight each other
how they always have to share your food but you go anywhere near their food bowl and its practically blasphemy 
how they love to chew everything including your shoes and the chairs at the breakfast bar
they love sharing their dog hair all over the house 
their need to roll in fox shit every time you walk them
my list goes on
and I'm sure you have lots of your own stories
they are the most annoying creatures in existence 
but it wouldn't matter if they did this stuff all day everyday because you still love them unconditionally
even when you stand in their puddle of piss in the middle of the kitchen floor
you still love them whilst you hop to your room to find a new sock
they're like your children really
just a very stinky very hairy version
so when they disappear and manage to somehow escape you can't help but feel devastated 
and heartbroken
and a little bit lost when you go into the kitchen and expect 2 yappy little dogs to be licking your toes to the point of you feeling a bit sick

come home my gorgeous boys :(

Friday, 28 November 2014

i think I've figured it out
my body just loves life so much it never wants to sleep
even when i have to get up for work then go and babysit
and i could really do with getting some sleep
i just keep yawning but they're empty yawns
like they aren't real ones
now i can't stop yawning cause i keep typing yawn
now I'm hungry
thats not gonna help is it
bloody hell
thank god i have a good dvd collection or id have pulled my eyelids off by now
maybe i should do that actually
cause then the loss of blood might make me pass out and i'd actually get some sleep
lucozade poison and sausage butty for me in the morning
if i manage to drag myself from my suddenly uncomfortable bed
tenner bets its the most comfy thing in the world come morning time
i hate that stupid logic

by the way i started printing on wrapping paper

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

why don't people in horror films who are running away from the baddie get a stitch?

Monday, 17 November 2014


Sunday, 16 November 2014

feel like dog trumps whilst freezing to death with my hot chocolate
it's definitely winter


*not a genuine hashtag

Friday, 14 November 2014

booked the train tickets to lincoln to see the famous chlobot!

Thursday, 13 November 2014

'you're trying to tell me sexism doesn't exist
well if it doesn't exist then what the fuck is this
how many boys will it destroy
how many girls and boys will it annoy'

Liebe ist verrückt dumm
bought 40 year old virgin from the poundshop
such a fucking deal

just hung up on the guy who called me trying to get me to sponsor a guide dog again
sorry shack but my money needs to be spent on chocolate and nail polish

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

i hung out with jordan today
i haven't just mooched round town with him for ages
and i liked it
mostly because we had a burger king though

its half seven on the 12th of november
why the fuck is something letting fireworks off?
argh this village makes no sense
my dogs don't like them

i bought some wrapping paper today
but its from prim ark so its so wank its offensive to the eyes
(i love the pattern its just it scratched off really easily and then looks very cheap. which it was, but you still expect better)
jordan says it looks like a barbers
blood and bandages
little less festive now so i wrapped his presents in it muahaha

not too bad if i do sat so myself
i also slid a candy cane in there cause he's never had one (!!!)
i bought that ribbon today and used it all already
jordans my mums and the tiniest bit on danis

candy canes are a must on all presents

this is me mams
looks small
because it is
but she didn't want much
(there are earrings in there in my defence)

this one is danis
i did a weird little knot thing to connect the two green stripy ribbons and I'm genuinely proud of it

i think it looks right good
i also used string to make that other little present stay there
and i must say it
this gift wrapping is a skill that i possess
gonna add it to my cv
then take it off my cv again when i look at poor abbies present
cause it looks rubbish
but i tried loads of stuff
and i can't make it look good!
oh god it looks worst on screen..
bare with me
*5 minutes pass*
thats as best as i can do it
and i know the small presents lines don't line up with the big present and I'm sorry okay!?
I've got no ribbon left to do anything fancy so it'll do
she'd be happy with it if it was wrapped in a carrier bag to be fair
efforts there

although I've been wrapping presents
in my christmas jumper 
wearing my christmas turkey hat
i'm not feeling overly festive
the only other thing i could do would be to watch elf but even i think its too soon for that
and i don't wanna over watch it like i nearly did last year

i better tidy my bed
theres ribbon and paper and tape and scissors and presents all over the place
i'm asking for an accident here

Monday, 10 November 2014

This blog always makes me want to read and so i shall
cuddled up in bed
with 2 hours til the quiz

Monday, 27 October 2014

EA Sports
Its in the game

not convinced on em

my apologises (mostly to chloe) for not bloggin in a bit
not been in the mood
I've been miserable for pretty much no reason
but you know

I've not really been doing much 
cause I'm boring

practised my make up for halloween
 didn't realise the blood would stain so much
the bottom half of my face looks like a burn victims

might read 
or play sky rim
got a face mask on to try n get the red off
doubt it will work
meant to be going to the pub later
lots of foundation me thinks

*15 minutes later*

face mask worked
i have normal skin again
the face mask came off pink though
like it when you can see results!

if you haven't guessed already I'm not finishing 100 days of happy
cannot be arsed 

because I've already bought my christmas cards 
and theres only 20 of them
i need to write a list
of who will be getting one
cause I'm that sad

biggest spot in the world on my nose
im not kidding when i say it could take over my face
although i stabbed it with my super sharp nail this morning and it bled for ages and it does feel a lot smaller but its still super bright red
dunno what it is 
but a lately I've broke out in spots
i didn't get them when i was a teenager when it was okay to get them
oh nooooooo
I've got to get them now
and i have no idea what to do with them 

might practise my nails for halloween too

bored of this bye

Thursday, 23 October 2014

yesterdays happy thing
hung out with steph all day
watched how to train your dragon 2 again
steph nearly cried haha
went to asda
bought chloe another christmas present
stu was feeling better thankfully
had fish and chips (they were terrible)

done fuck all like usual
caught up on made in chelsea
and x factor
can't stop eating
tried doing more christmas shopping but found nothing good
bob is now asleep on me and I'm pretty sure theres a stranger in my house and I'm going to die
or i'm going crazy
either way
either ways fine

i wanna give the dogs a bath but i daren't go upstairs!
were the hell are my helling parents

Wednesday, 22 October 2014
this is a maybe for one brother

this is a maybe for another brother
yesterday i got my hair cut
saw dani for a lil bit 
went christmas shopping!
bought 2 presents for stu
bought 1 for jordan (he's done now!)
bought 1 for steph
bought 1 for abbie (she's done now!)
think thats it

i also got some origami paper for stephs wedding cause i need to make paper cranes

then i went to xscape to watch rob work with tim and hugh
then watched madagascar 2 because of king julian

"i'am a lady! I'm a lady!
Which of you is attracted to me!?"

fringe (or 'bangs' as jordan calls them) and foxy tights!

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Monday, 20 October 2014

needneedneedneed this!!
okay so i ate all the chocolate before even getting into bed
im a pig what do you want from me?!
day #28 of 100
went to work
tidied up a bit, looks better now
saw dani cause she was on jury duty
went out for tea with my mum dad and sister
went to my sisters

my sisters and her chaps beach towels came today that i got them
hes not well so i gave them em early to cheer him up a bit
watched made in chelsea even though i missed last weeks

now I'm home trying to syke myself up to go to the hair dressers tomorrow
hate it

its so windy outside, i can hear it

got some guylian crunchy biscuit seahorses I'm gonna scoff while watching a film in bed
sleeeeeeeep zzzzzzz

Sunday, 19 October 2014

#27 i think
lovely day today
went to leeds with my dan dan
was fucking windy though
nearly blew my wig off!

spent 20 quid in a poundshop
my personal best

bought some stuff for halloween 

bought some tights with foxes on!!!

eaten more chocolate than one person should eat

watched xfactor 

had an ice lolly

very tired so bye

bought some nightmare before christmas nail polish and lip balm
both equally as shit
but poundshop quality was never gonna be great was it?

Saturday, 18 October 2014

hung out with my sister my brother and my sisters fella
right nice seeing my brother
wells comedy was had

my sisters fella also asked my brother to be his best man at their wedding tonight
which was cute
my brother agreed once it was known no speeches will be said

he's a man of few words tbh 
bought myself some new jeans from work
black high waisted
pretty nice
mel brought my 2 fun sized mars bars to work cause she's ace
saw our steph for a bit
off to hers later
with our phill cause he's off to see stu
man date
i mustn't forget their spray paint

i cannot stop listening to hellogoodbye!!
"cause youve got hawaii
and I've gotten no letters from you
i should stop whining 
its only been a day or two"

Friday, 17 October 2014

its 01:46
and i cannot sleep
i've watched the second half of the lorax i missed last night
now I've put on charlie and the chocolate factory (tim burton one obvs)
and i don't know why 
but i just cannot sleep
it was the same last night
i just put that down to alcohol
but I've not had any alcohol tonight
so what is going on

i had a shower before i went to bed
so maybe thats it

augustus gloop has just fallen in the chocolate river

i wouldn't mind if i didn't have to get up for work again tomorrow
but i do
and i already can't be arsed to do that
never mind if i get no sleep

i must say that the augustus gloop song is my favourite
the dancing is wicked
although i think mike teavee is too cool
i think he should be a bit more nerdy or something
his hair is cool and he's right serious, it doesn't seem right to me
everyone else though is proper spot on
charlie and grandpa joe are perfect
so is veruca salt actually
don't you think charlie looks like james from james and the giant peach
proper reminds me of him
i googled it though, its not the same boy unfortunately 
when willy wonka is calling them all short on the seahorse boat
that bits well funny

i suppose i could carry on christmas shopping 
but i don't really want to spend anymore money today
ordered jordans present finally
thank god i waited cause i got a 25% coupon email from them which was spot on
but now I'm under budget for him
so i might have to get him something else
but god knows what

the only bad thing about starting your christmas shopping so early is i've got no where to keep it until it is christmas and time to wrap everything
i have to wrap everything at the same time
or i get out of sync
and forget
and its the best part of christmas
i need to buy ribbons

i'm thinking on monday i could go get my hair cut then start getting chloes stuff for her present
i'm gonna get none of it online so the postage doesn't go into her budget so i can get as much as humanly possible within budget
everyone has the same budget
which makes it fair
and so i can afford christmas

violet is turning into a blueberry at present
this song is my least favourite
or the veruca song
its a close call
but this one has willy wonka doing funny dancing
and the oompa lumpa's outfits are mint
"They're gonna squeeze her, like a little pimple!" hahaha
"Once again you're beginning to mumble and it's really starting to bum me out" So much hate for mike teavee its hilarious 

it's now 02:09
this is not ma best!

i think the screen of the laptop is making my eyes tired
thank god
i'm gonna try again

wish me luck


seed sensation loaf

also want these
quarter of the way through this freakin challenge

went to work
had a laugh
finished work
saw a fight outside the bus station
bus didn't show up
second bus got stuck in traffic
looked for jacks christmas present but it doesn't exist

off for food now before i pass out and die
day #24

i went to leeds and met up with sam and dani and it was proper lovely
and me and sam got a bit drunk and dani stayed so good on her diet pepsis
then me and dani got a train to xscape and met up with tim and hugh and james

was just over all a really nice day!

for dani (these are just a few selected favs):
"We should swap clothes at one point"
"You make me hard I dream about fucking you regularly. You always have a pretty smile and hot eyes even in a fleece"
"I am a full blown steak eating man"
"I'm taking you up to the bedroom for a jolly good rodgering"
"You promise me knickers coming off you can have whatever you want"
"Would you want to lose your 'V' to me? In the back of the cinema just for the bants"
"You look like you have soft hands"
"Am I allowed to have sex with you?"
"I had an actual dream about us two last night about you sweeping stuff up and rabbits and being underwater"
"I fancied you before everyone else did"
"I might hold your hand and skip"
"Do you think I could beat you in a dance off?"
"I'd probably lick your teeth"
"We should be together, in a fleece wonderland. Your lips and my lips"

enjoy those D Dawg

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

I'll take that

found what I'm getting jordan for christmas
ordered abbie's and dani's presents
chloe and i have figured out our arrangement
she was clever and i set the budget and she said to buy as many presents with that budget and see who does best!
which is pretty cool actually

gonna have to find something else for my mum as well
my dads being difficult as usual but i'll just have to keep my eyes peeled for that

my parents are currently arguing about whether theres a spider under the tele or not
apparently my mums an hallucinating cow

knackered i think bye

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

bought a hat that looks like a christmas pudding
my boss gave me a load of free jumpers
finally seen my dad
dani is rocking her diet (proud of yaaaaaa)
gonna force myself into finishing this application finally

Monday, 13 October 2014

hung out with rob hugh and tim
cause juddy bailed
and it was rate nice
and then after rob had to go to work it was just me tim and hugh
which has never happened before
they hang out all the time
but not me 
but it was really lovely
and I'm in love with tims truck
if anything would make me wanna drive its that
my dad comes home today
canny wait!

Sunday, 12 October 2014

done pretty much fuck all
painted my nails 
now they're pretty
had a chinese
haven't put a bra on all day
and they've been good and free 
writing my first ever cover letter
i'd feel grown up if i weren't on my third ice lolly of the day

Saturday, 11 October 2014

sunday name but its okay
cause its sunday

i've literally eaten so much sausage today its hilarious
a sausage butty from greggs when i got to town before work
a tomato sausage butty for my dinner at work
a hot dog from spoons after work

my days often revolve around the sausage

day #19
not even joking
barley had anything last night

went to spoons with abbie then went to mine where we planned our colab together
here's the selfie to prove it

we've planned LOTS! 
and i'm crazy looking forward to it
more the writing than the pictures
defs should have done an english degree ;)

totally joking
i'm thick as shit

Friday, 10 October 2014

NEED to get out of this house before i pull all my skin off

Thursday, 9 October 2014

i have a very annoying nasty cough that does not wanna fuck off
it is super super infuriating 
spent lots of money from the comfort of my own bed!
bought mums christmas present
bought stephs birthday presents
bought stus birthday present
our coby just wants money for his so thats easy

gonna finish rewriting my cv then apply for a job with penguin
then i dunno, might go for a walk to get me out of this house

steph and stu are going on holiday for their birthdays
i bought them their beach towels cause they couldn't find any

i personally prefer the fried chicken one but everybody loves pugs nowadays for some reason

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

putting this here so i know where to find it
might buy my sister it for christmas
here is the only place this link is safe and kept secret from her

'Is it secret?
Is it safe?'
went to sheffield with james and dani to see chloe for the last time til she moves to lincoln!
saw gone girl
got confused at gone girl
wanted to fall asleep at gone girl
watched bake off
thank god SPOILERS fat louis didn't win 

now I'm tucked up in bed watching lorax

and I've just done this quiz
which is perfect now I'm a ww2 expert cause i watched a documentary 

i've decided i am definitely gonna write a story
since i asked abbie to help me out but she must be busy with work and stuff
definitely gonna be about a goat
don't know who the target audience is yet
can't decide whether to include swearing
but since its me I'm pretty sure it will be riddled with it
short story long story who knows right now
probably on the shorter side 
less to stamp out then

although i've just weighed myself so thats taken a bit of the happiness off
why do we do it to ourselves!


i mean,
i can't bend my knees fully
but you don't need knees when you fit back into your blue high waisted jeans

know what i mean?

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

its right nice talking to people you haven't in a while
which is an obvious statement 
but i've enjoyed it

ps i love dandan
a much needed dani date
didn't buy a thing expect a subway
counts for something

freezing cold walk home cause buses suck

and i'm 'completely un readable"
i wonder if thats good for me and bad for other people
or just bad in general

but you know whats not bad?
jaffa cakes
jaffa cakes understand me
and i them

Monday, 6 October 2014

went to bingo for the first time today
didn't win a penny 
went to handmade burger
ate lotssssss
watched RIPD for the first time
probably the last too
and did pub quiz
but obviously didn't win
all with my darling sister and her darling chap
(quiz with dan and james too!)

not a shabby day but i feel like dog poo now so 300 and sleep it is

Sunday, 5 October 2014


keep forgetting cause my memory is that of my dogs
sam invited me to halifax with him n his missus on halloween night to get trollied off blue wads

how lovely is that
bless em
watched land before time
forgot how short it was but it still took everything i had not to cry at the beginning
I'm getting so soft in my old age

saw jack for the last time in about 6 weeks which sucks but always awesome seeing him 

painted my nails mustard yellow which is my fav at the minute 

food soon me thinks

speaking of food heres me looking like a walnut whip

#14 i believe



Saturday, 4 October 2014

day #somerhing

went out 
work was rubbish
nw I'm freezing cold brrrrrr

Friday, 3 October 2014

day #12 is it?
i really need to start checking first

finished the main quest in skyrim!
slightly saddened by that but side quests here i come!

gave dani the hunger games books and she's already on chapter three
gave her them like 2 hours ago 
didn't think she'd start tonight lol

super dark selfie cause I'm super in bed super ready to watch Tim Burtons 9

i want 6 as a teddy